anointment

i just went home from the longest compass service so far. It took us 3 hours for the service itself, i believe it's because God's presence is so strong that almost everyone enjoy the presence of Him, and getting new anointment and fire. Well, everyone.. except me.

During the whole time, i was busy going around back and forth outside, not interested in coming in and supposedly enjoy the presence. And i ask myself, why do i distant myself from him? And i truly baffled, i don't know why i did that. It just seem that i've been through that before, in fact, i've experience it couple of times yet, there's no longing there.

Don't get me wrong, i love God, and i truly want to know him more, but during that time, i simply felt nothing. In fact, i feel bored. And now i'm wondering, is it because i'm not humble enough to ask God for his anointing again?


I honestly don't know. In fact, I feel bored. I feel like this kind of thing happened from time to time yet nothing great happened. I was longing for some kind of movement, a rising of a passionate generation for God when this kind of situation happened, but every time, i always feel that we hit a brick wall and remain stagnant... for a while and then another anointment is required.

Maybe that's why i become skeptic about this whole situation. Maybe I don't want to ask for more anointment but do nothing.

I believe, or rather, i WANT to believe that his anointment is already with us all along. sure asking for new anointment is good from time to time, but shouldn't we ask for new anointing because we have shared the fire and now ask for more?

It doesn't felt right that we ask for his anointing and then nothing happened, and after a while ask for it again. It seems to me like a wasted anointment.

I'm unsure about all of this, maybe i need some contemplation to understand what God really wants and hopefully he'll answer me.