i am a whiner but i'll change :)

during the past weeks, through many events and conversation, i finally realise that it's time for me to go out there, and try to create my own life.

i whine a lot, nag a lot and complain a lot. i realise all of this, but i just cant help it, with no one to blame but myself. I was desperate. My life in melbourne has been nothing but a one man battle. All of my uni frens are all gone. My church frens got their own family or partner to take care of.

No i don't blame them, in fact, good on them for having someone to be there. I might be jealous in fact. But well, i suck it up, and try to hold on, keep saying to myself that i should be able to make it alone.

But time passed by and it's just become unbearable. Work isn't exactly stress-free and when weekend comes i just want to refresh myself. But there's no one there to hang out with.

and then somehow i manage to know some frens, through a somewhat bizzare occurence. I enjoy hang out with them, but it's probably one sided aniwei :). when i was suddenly cut off, i was panicking, i was desperate and try to redeem myself. all in a while i make things even worse. I realise that, but i cant help myself. Pathetic i know, but i guess when you are in it, you just can't think clear enough.

but yesterday i manage to catch up with friends, who in spite of their busy schedule, manage to meet with me. i learn a lot, and they suggested me to find a new community, he even agrees to introduce me to one of his friend who he said, will get along well with me.

i hope that everything will turn out to be the better. I'll try once again, and if it's still doesn't work, well probably God has another plan.

In any case, my first target is to stop whine. it feels good, but again it's destructive. i am no better than a smoke addict if i can't change this habit.

good luck and godspeed iyan, you need it.

ancora imparo

means i'm still learning, and this is especially applicable in human relation. I'm probably still an idiot on this aspect.

Things happened, which is not exactly a pleasant thing. So i thought, well let's see if i can learn something from this experience. Yet, before the knowledge even sink in, i was presented with another facts and this stir things up even further.

At first i thought i should learn to start thinks positively. but then, the facts make me realise, my negative thought was correct all along.

in the end, i was no better than what i was, i am probably in a worse state. But one thing that sticks to the back of my mind, some things are best left unsaid.

so yeah.. ancora imparo.

thanks yuko...

There comes a point in your life when you realize who matters, who never did, who won’t anymore, and who always will. So don’t worry about the people in your past, there’s a reason why they didn’t make it to your future..

this is so true

Every job out there can have periods of boredom and tedious duties.

Musicians get bored out of their minds driving in tour buses from city to city, writers get bored and lonely sitting by themselves writing and re-writing, TV anchorpeople and reporters spend a lot of time waiting, pilots have periods of time of just sitting there, judges have to listen to mind-numbing testimony, doctors can stand in surgery for hours on end, actors sit in their trailers in a constant holding pattern, teachers teach the same thing year after year and now they are even given scripts of what to say while teaching, private investigators sit in their cars for hours doing surveillance, police officers answer call after call of false home alarms going off, hair stylists blow dry and blow dry and blow dry hair...I mean what job is immune to boredom?

still miss them

been here for one week and i still miss my family. Of course i have things to do that occupy my time, and friends to accompany me in killing some time. But most other times, i'm alone and that's when the thought that my family is thousand miles away saddens me.

I need to be strong.

stupidly happy

:)

homesick

can't remember the last time i've been this sad. all the melancholic thoughts rushing through my mind now