i am a whiner but i'll change :)

during the past weeks, through many events and conversation, i finally realise that it's time for me to go out there, and try to create my own life.

i whine a lot, nag a lot and complain a lot. i realise all of this, but i just cant help it, with no one to blame but myself. I was desperate. My life in melbourne has been nothing but a one man battle. All of my uni frens are all gone. My church frens got their own family or partner to take care of.

No i don't blame them, in fact, good on them for having someone to be there. I might be jealous in fact. But well, i suck it up, and try to hold on, keep saying to myself that i should be able to make it alone.

But time passed by and it's just become unbearable. Work isn't exactly stress-free and when weekend comes i just want to refresh myself. But there's no one there to hang out with.

and then somehow i manage to know some frens, through a somewhat bizzare occurence. I enjoy hang out with them, but it's probably one sided aniwei :). when i was suddenly cut off, i was panicking, i was desperate and try to redeem myself. all in a while i make things even worse. I realise that, but i cant help myself. Pathetic i know, but i guess when you are in it, you just can't think clear enough.

but yesterday i manage to catch up with friends, who in spite of their busy schedule, manage to meet with me. i learn a lot, and they suggested me to find a new community, he even agrees to introduce me to one of his friend who he said, will get along well with me.

i hope that everything will turn out to be the better. I'll try once again, and if it's still doesn't work, well probably God has another plan.

In any case, my first target is to stop whine. it feels good, but again it's destructive. i am no better than a smoke addict if i can't change this habit.

good luck and godspeed iyan, you need it.